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Men,
As I was thinking about Pep's message this week, it crossed my mind that I've been on both ends of the criticism fence with mixed results. I've given criticism that was unwanted and, in fact, resented. I've given criticism that was welcome and acted on. Taking criticism is tough but giving it can be just as tough in a different way.
How do you give criticism the right way? Considering my past experience, I sure can't claim any special expertise here but I can give you a couple things to think about.
1. Is it welcome? or Will it be received? Why waste time and sour a relationship when your advice or criticism won't be received anyway? Perhaps you need to build the relationship a bit more first. Or perhaps it's a timing issue.
2. Is it necessary? What did Christ ask, "Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' and behold, the log is in your own eye?" (Mat 7:4) Are you really going to risk a relationship over a speck?
3. What's your ratio of encouragement to criticism with this individual? Do you encourage them more or criticize them more? If you're in "encouragement debt" perhaps building the account a bit is in order. It's a lot easier to receive criticism from someone that is "on your side" than the constant critic.
4. Is the criticism constructive? Can the other individual act on you criticism? What could be worse than hearing criticism that you can't correct? Frustrating. Give suggestions for improvement along with your critique.
5. Are you setting the example? Are you trying to hold someone else to a standard you're not meeting? Paul said "Imitate me, just as I also imitate Christ." (I Cor 11:1) Wow. Paul handed out a lot of criticism but he set an example that was pretty high, too.
6. What's the worst that could happen if you just let it go? Is anyone getting hurt? Are there bigger priorities?
7. Are you willing to help with the fix?
8. Would you want the critique if the roles were reverse? Be honest.
Christ and Paul both tried to lead others to live a better life. Both frequently used questions to get the other to think about the answer. They didn't just hammer away. They both used Biblical standards and they didn't waste time on non-essentials.
It's pretty easy to blow it when handing out criticism. We should probably all keep that in mind when we're receiving it. It's hard to do it right and even the most well-intentioned friend is probably going to ruffle some feathers when handing out the criticism.
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